Testing testing...

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Week Two of the "Facial Experiment"

So as promised, here is my update on the experiment to get my face to look better. It's been a little over two weeks, 17 days to be exact and I have stuck to the routine religiously. I have gotten into the routine but I have noticed that it does take up a lot of time on the nights I work late and sort of creeps into my "go to bed" time. Unfortunately I have fallen asleep while using the light-stim on occasion. I of course wake up a bit later and finish what I started but I find that a bit annoying. The light it's self doesn't get hot enough to do any damage to any material or burn me by accident when I doze off but I just need to remember the whole treatment takes about 40-45 minutes. The light however is quite comforting and relaxing while I watch television so maybe I should consider sitting at my desk which is purposefully not as comfortable so I don't sit at it for too long. I think I will try it tonight.
On to the photos~

Here are the usual "mug shots" the one with the red shirt being the photo taken on June 28th and the green shirt being taken today, July 15th. Again I am taking pictures in the most unflattering light to show the the areas that I am aiming to improve. I don't really see any real change with the jawline in the portrait photos but I do note that the skin looks better and my mouth besides not being symmetrical, is starting to "lift" in the corners of the mouth. I believe that is the product of the facial exercised that I have been doing twice a day. They are also helping around the eye area where there is less puffiness. Or at least that is how it looks to me and I would like to think. I suppose by the end of four months, I will be able to tell for certain.

I think the profile pictures illustrate the jawline and jowls pretty well. With the stark lighting they both show that there is some improvement. It's small, but it's there and that is what I am aiming for!

I can see some improvement when comparing the older with the newest one. I haven't changed my diet at all, although I feel confident that if I lost the ten to fifteen pounds my jowly cheeks would probably go away or at least shrink up enough not to bother me every time I see myself.

I tried to remember the time of morning that I had taken the original photo but I am thinking that it may have been overcast with the first picture so the light will be different. This time I also took a comparison with last week and this week.

The picture of last week and this week show some mild difference. It's like the jawline and neck are changing a bit. I find that promising and look forward to see how it progresses in the coming weeks.

I threw this picture with the three different angles in to illustrate things that I am noticing. Besides the jawline improving, the texture of my skin on my neck is improving. Last month, the skin was a tad...crepe-like in some spots. I am thinking with the combination of the light-stim, Clarisonic and exercises that it is improving the skin. My face feels more firm, that is for certain. These types of things one can't really photograph but certainly observe and I am seeing improvement in the size of my pores. Not a huge improvement but my skin does look much better. I am also noticing that there is definition on my jaw which is illustrated with the third photo. I haven't had that "indent" or definition in years and quite frankly I am pretty pleased that I am getting it back. With regaining that definition but still having a slight jowl, I am thinking that weight loss should also become a priority to obtaining optimal results. AND I could stand to loose it as mentioned before.

So this concludes this weeks observations. This may take a while but I am seeing that the reward will outweigh the work. Hopefully, what I am doing may help someone else that is experiencing similar skin issues and help them decide which treatment may help them.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Focusing elsewhere~health and appearances

I've made my final payment to the credit consolidation company. From the moment the payments post at the end of this month, I will be finished with the crazy payments. I might actually be able to take a Saturday off and do something that might cost a few bucks, like...treat myself to lunch or dinner, treat a couple friends since they have been treating me, go to the movies again, go out and do stuff! Heck, all sorts of possibilities. I am realistic about everything though. Just because I am done with the ridiculous payments I still have another card I would like to pay down. I still have lots of up keep on my car! I have to pay off my car!! That takes money-so I will be working some extra days for sure but at least it won't be a matter of life and death for me. I have been working on feeling better, I've got my mental health in order and feel pretty good there. It feels good to be in a balanced mental place again. The stress and worry was going to do me in but I don't have to be quite so focused on the finances.
Now that I can turn my focus elsewhere, I noticed that the stress over that last several years have taken a serious toll on my appearance. When this whole credit thing started, I was 37 years old but looked okay. It's been seven years and I feel I don't look okay. I look haggard and over weight. So I have been working out regularly and changing my eating habits. I am removing the stress of the payments, that will help tons! But what I really needed was to make my face look better.
So I started a regime to get things in better condition for my face and skin tone. I know it won't be a fountain of youth and I will never get the time back that I lost but I can at least feel better about myself and my appearance! I also realize that eventually, I may just fork out money for a neck lift-truthfully my neck has always bothered me, even in high school and it was even worse after my car accident. However, I would like to give it a go with the facial exercises and skin treatments first. If there is a non-surgical solution, I am all for it!

So I will be blogging to track my progress for the next few months to see if there is any real noticeable progress. The idea came to me when I was looking for items that would help bring my skin back to better condition. It was the "before & after" pictures that really got me. I could see clearly that the "after" pictures where always of slightly different angles, lighting and expressions than to the "before" photos. I decided I would take the most unflattering pictures I could muster all the time and keep track of any hopeful progress that way. So look at your own risk. You have been warned.

I've tried to keep the pictures consistent, and I suppose after a few weeks I will get a routine. The lighting is going to be tricky too but I will try my best for consistent photos.
The first picture (Red shirt) was taken first day and June 28th. The second series was taken today on July 7th. You can see a very slight change which is something compared to nothing. My skin is much more clear and firm with the fine lines almost gone, however I still have the deeper smile lines and the gross skin on my neck. I will especially keep track of these for the next four months to see the results. I think this will be a fun experiment :-).

Now to the Facial Experiment~
The stuff I decided to use on my face and neck are: Philosophy skin care (love this stuff!), Clarisonic system, Lightstim and Facial Flex.

*First thing I do in the morning and at night before I wash my face is do facial exercises. I use the Facialflex for two or more minutes combining it with some other facial exercise. I don't know why I do it first but it feels better when the skin is moisturized before doing the facial routine. Then I can clean it properly.

*Now I have been using Philosophy products for years and I have always been a huge fan. Their products are wonderful! I highly recommend them and they help address all age related skin care needs.

*Unfortunately, I needed a bit more so I also enlisted the use of the Clarisonic.
I have read the opinions that are on both sides of the fence in regards to this hand held cleanser. Some say it's fine to use each time you clean your face/skin and others say NO! It will damage the skin so you should only use it at the most once a day. I decided to take the middle route taking both sides into account and just use it at night before I use the lightstim machine. I love the way the Clarisonic makes my skin feel. It has definitely helped with the appearance of my skin and with some of the clogged pores. That alone is worth the price of admission! I've always had larger pores so I don't expect them to shrink up and give me porcelain skin-I'm keeping realistic expectations. I just want healthy glowing
skin!

*The Lightstim is FDA approved in promoting the production of collagen in the skin. It's a slow going process and will take months and has to be done religiously. So this is what I do every evening. Wash my face with the Philosophy(Purity made Simple) using my Clarisonic and with my skin uber clean-use the Lightstim for three minutes in the each of the areas that I want to promote the growth of collagen. I watch television, decompressing while using it. It's pretty relaxing and warm. And when I'm finished it put on more Philosophy (When hope is not Enough) collection.

Now if I could just lose that 15 to 20 pounds-that would probably help a bunch as well!!

Sunday, July 1, 2012

wendywllms' photostream

wendywllms' photostream on Flickr.

The veil is lifting...

It has been very hard these last several years working through the debt settlement. I have devoted all of my time in putting effort into making sure I made enough money to be able to afford the payment AND be able to pay my bills. It has not been easy by any stretch of the imagination but now I am at my final month of payments and I feel good about it.

I have put aside other interests and wants in my life, making that sacrifice so that I may ultimately succeed. There has been much that I have had to let go and pass on. I have denied myself many things and now that I may not have to do that anymore, with in reason of course, I am feeling as if a great weight is being lifted from my chest. It's as if a veil is being lifted from my eyes and now I can see my future and it holds promise. I am excited about the possibilities. I'm realistic about it but I will let my imagination run wild now since it hasn't really had any exercise for years and quite frankly, it's a bit out of shape!

This whole experience for me has been extremely difficult. It seemed this had come to me right after several other changing events, one right after the other, and it took it's toll on my mental health and attitude. It's hard to stay positive when you are trying to stay afloat but feel as if you are sinking into darkness from the weight of the entire situation. I admit that I had a few episodes of depression and anxiety, which really should not be a huge surprise but I have managed to fight my way out of both episodes and keep a good outlook with the help of St. John's Wort. It's clear to me that I have to and I'm fine with it. If it keeps me from having an anxiety attack (they suck, by the way) then that is exactly what I will do!

When I was able to get my mental and emotional self in check, I started working on my physical self. My denying myself anything that may cost me money had turned to a sort of apathy towards everything. That apathy also went to my physical appearance and health. From a fit size 10 to a curvy size 14/16. I must say it's been a beast trying to get this extra weight off. People may not notice that I am carrying more weight than I should because of my height, but it's my frame that disagrees with it. I have a tall but petite frame and should be lighter. I've always weighed heavier so I measure this by my measurements instead. My weight goal is to be around 165 to 170ish, so it's about 15 to 20lbs I need to loose. I've done it before and I know I can do it again....it just might take a little longer this time.

I've been alternating between weight training and aerobics for six days a week for months. The exercise also keeps me from having another frozen shoulder (adhesive capsulitis) episode, which is pretty painful and restricting in case you didn't know. I had injured it last year carrying too much on one side and the scar tissue built up effectively "freezing" my shoulder. It hurt like sin and put a big set back on my fitness and weight loss plan. Eventually, working slowly but surely (and suffering through the pain) I was able to get most of my range of motion back and full use. It hurts sometimes but it's nothing compared what if felt like prior to me working through it. It's what I chalk up to as an accomplishment and I actually feel pretty good about it.

With these two accomplishments behind me, I feel positive. I feel happy. I haven't felt this good in years. As a matter of fact, not since 2004 or 2005. It's been a very long time. I don't want to loose it again and I will do what I can to maintain it. I choose happiness and positivity, thank you very much. My goals are attainable and I know with perseverance I will succeed. My life is opening back up and that means I can start to open up too. I can't hide from it forever, no one can. It's time to move forward and see what the future holds for me now. I don't ever want to go back to that dark place again. It is behind me and it can stay there.

I have much more to say, but I think I will stop here and save it for later. Know this~ The change has started, the veil has lifted and I am free.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Just a blog...blog

Well, the season is almost over and I have been very busy up until this past weekend. I worked most of Dickens and it was great to be there. There is something about being there that makes the holidays a bit more special as they were when I was young. As I have mentioned before, it's the smell of the roasted nuts and foods, the sounds and songs and it's certainly all the decorations. It's truly magical. It must really be something to a small child seeing all the sights and sounds in young fresh eyes that have yet to be jaded by the consumerism that plagues us today. Even though the fair has a ton of vendors all selling their wares-it just doesn't come off as a commercial endeavor-it still seems pure. That is a good thing. I am pleased to say that I was a part of it again, even if it was a unimportant small part.

I know that working Dickens always makes me want to decorate my house. This year is not different except I have put up more decorations than last year. I hung up more garland and used the extra glass ornaments that have been stuffed in the storage closet for years. I have not used most of these decorations since I lived in the cottage in Richmond. It looks pretty festive right now but the decorations will be coming down soon enough. When New Years Day comes, I will spend my day off taking it all down and putting it away. It's part of my holiday tradition that has been done for decades. I like keeping to the traditions, well the good ones anyway! Another tradition that I have been practicing for years (well, at least since the movies came out) is watching The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Guess what's on right now? For the last couple years I have wavered from my traditions, watching this set of movies is one of them. There are so many levels of the movie that seem to fit for this time of year and season. The dark vs the light. Good and evil. The strong, noble and true against the wrong, ignoble and untrustworthy. Sacrifice, honor and friendship. Virtues that seem to be lacking more and more in this current world. The movies remind me of all the positive things that can be accomplished, even if it is simply a story-it is still a reminder of the things that are important to me.

The Winter Solstice has meaning for me as well. Besides it being the shortest day of the year and the beginning of Winter, it is a time to slow down and take stock of things in my life. A time for introspection and analysis as well as remembering the important things. My life has been disrupted for far too long and I have nearly lost myself. This season I have renewed the things that are important to me and do my best to practice them. As I have done for years, I gave myself a reading on the Winter Solstice to assess my current life, status and environment.

The first reading puzzled me some because it wavered on a good reading and bad reading and I wasn't entirely sure if this is regarding simply me or if it is focused on a friend or many friends. I decided to do a clarification reading doing the Celtic Cross vs my usual five card reading. It ended up being financially based as well. I guess whether the reading is specific to me or to anyone else-the bottom line is that I must work harder, stay focused, trust in my friends and accept that despite all the bad that has happened, good will still come. I shouldn't feel like I am cast aside and remember that there are those around me that feel the same exact way, going through similar if not the same exact things and that we are all in this together. Since the reading is financial based, I also am keeping in mind that since the Doc is going to be out this upcoming week, I need to pay careful attention to my hours and make sure I get enough in to cover my bills in the next period and also catch up on all the loose ended projects going on at work. To be honest, I am actually looking forward to a week without any clinic and simply phones and paper work. The interruptions will be at a minimum and I might be able to get multiple things completed. This makes me happy....it's the little things.

As the year winds down, I do want to tie up loose ends. Internal and external loose ends. I need to get back the point in my life where I felt centered and "complete" for a lack of a better description. I need to find a more satisfying place in my life-right now I am not there. My life feels like I'm running in place on a tread wheel. I feel like an Olympic champion in the exercise of futility. I would really like to be able to move forward out of the state I am in. I know it's close but still so far away. Part of that problem comes from within me. Part of the problem is external and almost complete. Seven months approximately until completion and then I should be a bit more free....until the next thing happens. Hopefully I will be prepared this next time it happens. I am looking forward to that time!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Chapter 2~Dickens

As promised, I am breaking the blogs up!

The first weekend of Dickens was last week. I was fortunate enough to be able to work the first two days of the opening weekend. Besides working I was able to wander around shortly on breaks and all I can say is WOW! It was so busy and there were so many people. It was fantastic. I arrived early for work at Cuthbert's Tea Shoppe, while passing the main gate I noted that the lines were crazy long and as I tried to find parking...well I had to get creative and park in the boondocks all the way in the back. I just glad I arrived early both days otherwise there wouldn't have been anywhere to park in the lower lot. I'm just happy that I had enough time to get ready and get to the shop in time for my shift. The one thing I noted is the snippets of conversations of the patrons as I was heading in and that there were new people that had never been to the Dickens fair before. There were families mostly with the kids asking, "Where are we going?" "What's this place?" "Is this a fair?" Of course, there were the normal parent answers like, "Weren't you listening when we told you where we were going?" but most of the responses were gentle explanations. I also liked the look of excitement and curiosity when the children would see people people in costume. Some were asking their parents why the people were "dressed like that". The only response was, "You'll see" with a smile. I believe I witnessed the beginning of a holiday tradition for more than one family this past weekend :-).

The shop is in a spot in the back by a bay door and I am thankful for that. With so many people enjoying themselves, it get mighty stuffy in there so it's always nice to poke your head out for some air-especially when your working in layers. The shop was pretty busy and as always the line was long with people trying to get a seat for tea and that's a good thing. But most of the time, everyone that was working in the tea shop stayed in the tea shop.

The shop is bigger this year to accommodate the extra patrons-it's like they knew there would be more people ;-). Actually the whole layout of Dickens is a bit different but roomier this year. This is a good thing for getting around.

I came across many of the usual suspects while wandering aimlessly. The funniest moment was when talking to Cory, he noted that Grant Imahara of "MythBusters" was standing near us. He was shopping with friends and Cory was playing with the idea of getting a photo of him. While we were farting around with the idea, one of the gentlemen that was standing waiting for a lady friend that was shopping nearby asked Cory if he would make a custom corsage. Cory was obliged to make a beautiful set of posies. While Cory was working, Grant wandered over to where Cory was and pulled out his iPhone and took a picture of him working. All I could do was laugh because instead of Grant Imahara being in Cory's photo album, it will be Cory in his instead. Funny how things work out sometimes.

Well, this is the second weekend and I will be there Sunday. I am looking forward to it. There is something about being there that makes the spirit of the season more real for me, if you know what I mean. I really can't imagine not being at Dickens. It's the smell of the roasted nuts and the perfumes. It's the Christmas carols sung by the carolers heard while walking. It's the songs from Mad Sal's and seeing the Can Can dancers. It's the sea shanty songs. It's the looks on the faces of the patrons, you can see that they feel the spirit of the season too. It's as if the Spirit of Christmas Present was there himself spreading the cheer of the season for all that are present to partake in it. If you haven't had a chance to visit the Great Christmas Dickens Fair then now would be the time to try to make it! There is something for everyone, large and small. So perhaps I will see you at fair~
http://www.dickensfair.com/

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Chapter 1~The Anxiety blog

Since I haven’t really blogged in some time, there is a lot to blog about so I will break up the different things that I will be blogging about in different blogs. Seems like it would be easier to read and skip over the stuff if necessary. Not everyone wants to read about how the cats are doing or how my allergies are ;-).

I mentioned a while ago that I was having anxiety and started taking St John’s Wort (SJW). Now when I say "anxiety" I'm not referring to simply being anxious on occasion but to having a physical reaction to the stressors of my life. Here is a link to better explain the symptoms http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/anxiety-attack-symptoms . Why am I blogging about this, you may ask? Maybe this blog might help someone that might be experiencing something similar to myself. I will be providing helpful links that have been useful for me since it has been well over ten years since my last attack. At that time of my last episodes of anxiety attacks, I had friends and family around that were there to help me even if they weren't aware that they were because I simply didn't talk about it that much. However, things have changed and I find myself separated from friends and family so instead of having the source of comfort from friends I have to work through it alone. For those that find themselves separate from friends or family, they need to find that comfort in themselves and understand that they can work through these anxiety attacks, it's just a matter of realizing what is happening and taking control of the situation which means "riding the attack out".

When I was having the anxiety attacks before, it was completely random when I would have them. I'm not sure what was setting them off. It would be when I was at home, at the store and at work (although work was where it all started so that makes sense). When I would have the attacks then, I would call my boyfriend and he would talk me down or come over and comfort me until it would subside. If I was with a friend, we would talk until it dissipated. Eventually the anxiety attacks became weaker and I was able to "ride them out" and then eventually they simply stopped happening.

Last year, I believe I had my first anxiety attack in years. It decided to manifest itself while I was on the freeway in the fast lane. It had been so long since I had had one that I didn't recognize the symptoms and totally freaked out. Almost passing out on the freeway would make anyone want to freak out. I had several intermittent attacks as the year progressed. During this time my financial obligations has increased well past my means and have remained currently. My life financially and personally is my stressor and for what ever reason every time I drive, I have an anxiety attack. Now, not everyone will have the same stressor or the same exact symptoms as myself but what ever way you look at it-it sucks. Sitting in traffic trying having an anxiety attack, oh yeah....super fun. Good times.

Now, I had taken SJW before for depression and I did some looking around and found that it can work with anxiety symptoms as well. I have been taking STW for several months now and although the STW is helping with the depression that I had been experiencing it hasn't really removed my anxiety attacks completely but it makes them more manageable. This is fine, but when sitting in traffic it would be easier to find a way to alleviate the anxiety attacks when they start and get the symptoms under control. I did some searching on the interwebs and found there are other techniques that can help alleviate the symptoms of an anxiety attacks that can temporarily help when really needed.

I did research to find different techniques that might help with the hyperventilating. I ended up find a very helpful website with a video demonstrating the “belly breathing technique” that helps counteract the shallow breathing that tends to happen with anxiety attacks http://www.anxietycoach.com/breathingexercise.html . The website speaks about Panic Disorders but this certainly helps with anxiety as well.

I know that the website is some guy trying to sell something, but let me tell you-it helped. Most of my anxiety attacks are breathing related. The website describes it perfectly. I don't exhale and I don't even realize I'm doing it. It sucks. Something else that also helps with anxiety attacks that might be useful for others is "pressure points".

I found several useful references for which sites would work best for alleviating anxiety and making it easier to breath and feel at ease. The first one was http://www.chinese-holistic-health-exercises.com/reflexology-for-anxiety.html . Since most of my anxiety attacks come on when I'm in my car, I will only be using the upper extremities. Yeah, no pressure points on my feet while driving, please! The second helpful site was http://www.stop-anxiety-panic-attack.com/blog/acupressure-for-anxiety. Personally, I find the wrist, ears and neck to be helpful with the anxiety symptoms when driving. The neck (Heavenly Pillar) is the most effective with the breathing while driving although it looks like you are talking on the phone while driving so keep an eye out for CHP that might pull you over for it ;-).

Besides SJW there are other herbal remedies that can be useful to help alleviate anxiety symptoms which I have listed in the links below. I also have seasonal allergies and there is drug interactions with the SJW and Claritin, which I take. The SJW reduces the efficacy of the Claritin and other antihistamine so be prepared to have elevated symptoms if you start taking it. And since I have problems with breathing during an anxiety attack, this doesn't help~but I manage. Well, that is all I have to add for now on this topic. I hope that eventually my symptoms with dissipate and I will feel "normal" again because having these attacks suck and really are disruptive at times even with the SJW and alternate helpful cures. It has taken the joy out of driving and I actually like driving. Well, actually my current situation has kind of taken the joy out of everything, but I hope I can pull through it pay everything off, shake off this anxiety, be able to afford to do stuff again and get my life back. I would like to feel like I am alive and not some slave stuck in a loop of work. To feel whole again. I know that when one problem is solved the others that are attached will begin to dissipate-at least I hope so since everything seems to be connected! Yeah, I'm not looking for any sympathy and I'm not big on throwing pity parties. My goal it to get through this and I aim to succeed :-).

Keep in mind if you have a medical condition you should consult your physician to confirm the diagnosis and make sure that you are getting the correct treatment for the condition. This should be the general rule for any health condition one may have.