Just a blog...blog

Well, the season is almost over and I have been very busy up until this past weekend.  I worked most of Dickens and it was great to be there.  There is something about being there that makes the holidays a bit more special as they were when I was young.  As I have mentioned before, it's the smell of the roasted nuts and foods, the sounds and songs and it's certainly all the decorations.  It's truly magical.  It must really be something to a small child seeing all the sights and sounds in young fresh eyes that have yet to be jaded by the consumerism that plagues us today.  Even though the fair has a ton of vendors all selling their wares-it just doesn't come off as a commercial endeavor-it still seems pure.  That is a good thing.  I am pleased to say that I was a part of it again, even if it was a unimportant small part. 

I know that working Dickens always makes me want to decorate my house.  This year is not different except I have put up more decorations than last year.  I hung up more garland and used the extra glass ornaments that have been stuffed in the storage closet for years.  I have not used most of these decorations since I lived in the cottage in Richmond.  It looks pretty festive right now but the decorations will be coming down soon enough.  When New Years Day comes, I will spend my day off taking it all down and putting it away.  It's part of my holiday tradition that has been done for decades.  I like keeping to the traditions, well the good ones anyway!  Another tradition that I have been practicing for years (well, at least since the movies came out) is watching The Lord of the Rings Trilogy.  Guess what's on right now?  For the last couple years I have wavered from my traditions, watching this set of movies is one of them.  There are so many levels of the movie that seem to fit for this time of year and season.  The dark vs the light.  Good and evil.  The strong, noble and true against the wrong, ignoble and untrustworthy.  Sacrifice, honor and friendship.  Virtues that seem to be lacking more and more in this current world.  The movies remind me of all the positive things that can be accomplished, even if it is simply a story-it is still a reminder of the things that are important to me. 

The Winter Solstice has meaning for me as well.  Besides it being the shortest day of the year and the beginning of Winter, it is a time to slow down and take stock of things in my life.  A time for introspection and analysis as well as remembering the important things.  My life has been disrupted for far too long and I have nearly lost myself.  This season I have renewed the things that are important to me and do my best to practice them.  As I have done for years, I gave myself a reading on the Winter Solstice to assess my current life, status and environment.  

The first reading puzzled me some because it wavered on a good reading and bad reading and I wasn't entirely sure if this is regarding simply me or if it is focused on a friend or many friends.  I decided to do a clarification reading doing the Celtic Cross vs my usual five card reading.  It ended up being financially based as well.  I guess whether the reading is specific to me or to anyone else-the bottom line is that I must work harder, stay focused, trust in my friends and accept that despite all the bad that has happened, good will still come.  I shouldn't feel like I am cast aside and remember that there are those around me that feel the same exact way, going through similar if not the same exact things and that we are all in this together.  Since the reading is financial based, I also am keeping in mind that since the Doc is going to be out this upcoming week, I need to pay careful attention to my hours and make sure I get enough in to cover my bills in the next period and also catch up on all the loose ended projects going on at work.  To be honest, I am actually looking forward to a week without any clinic and simply phones and paper work.  The interruptions will be at a minimum and I might be able to get multiple things completed.  This makes me happy....it's the little things.  

As the year winds down, I do want to tie up loose ends.  Internal and external loose ends.  I need to get back the point in my life where I felt centered and "complete" for a lack of a better description.  I need to find a more satisfying place in my life-right now I am not there.  My life feels like I'm running in place on a tread wheel.  I feel like an Olympic champion in the exercise of futility.  I would really like to be able to move forward out of the state I am in.  I know it's close but still so far away.  Part of that problem comes from within me.  Part of the problem is external and almost complete.  Seven months approximately until completion and then I should be a bit more free....until the next thing happens.  Hopefully I will be prepared this next time it happens.  I am looking forward to that time!

Chapter 2~Dickens

As promised, I am breaking the blogs up!

The first weekend of Dickens was last week.  I was fortunate enough to be able to work the first two days of the opening weekend.  Besides working I was able to wander around shortly on breaks and all I can say is WOW!  It was so busy and there were so many people.  It was fantastic.  I arrived early for work at Cuthbert's Tea Shoppe, while passing the main gate I noted that the lines were crazy long and as I tried to find parking...well I had to get creative and park in the boondocks all the way in the back.  I just glad I arrived early both days otherwise there wouldn't have been anywhere to park in the lower lot.  I'm just happy that I had enough time to get ready and get to the shop in time for my shift.  The one thing I noted is the snippets of conversations of the patrons as I was heading in and that there were new people that had never been to the Dickens fair before.  There were families mostly with the kids asking, "Where are we going?"  "What's this place?"  "Is this a fair?"   Of course, there were the normal parent answers like, "Weren't you listening when we told you where we were going?"  but most of the responses were gentle explanations.  I also liked the look of excitement and curiosity when the children would see people people in costume.  Some were asking their parents why the people were "dressed like that".  The only response was, "You'll see" with a smile.  I believe I witnessed the beginning of a holiday tradition for more than one family this past weekend :-).

The shop is in a spot in the back by a bay door and I am thankful for that.  With so many people enjoying themselves, it get mighty stuffy in there so it's always nice to poke your head out for some air-especially when your working in layers.  The shop was pretty busy and as always the line was long with people trying to get a seat for tea and that's a good thing.  But most of the time, everyone that was working in the tea shop stayed in the tea shop.

The shop is bigger this year to accommodate the extra patrons-it's like they knew there would be more people ;-).  Actually the whole layout of Dickens is a bit different but roomier this year.  This is a good thing for getting around.

I came across many of the usual suspects while wandering aimlessly.  The funniest moment was when talking to Cory, he noted that Grant Imahara of "MythBusters" was standing near us.  He was shopping with friends and Cory was playing with the idea of getting a photo of him.  While we were farting around with the idea, one of the gentlemen that was standing waiting for a lady friend that was shopping nearby asked Cory if he would make a custom corsage.  Cory was obliged to make a beautiful set of posies.  While Cory was working, Grant wandered over to where Cory was and pulled out his iPhone and took a picture of him working.  All I could do was laugh because instead of Grant Imahara being in Cory's photo album, it will be Cory in his instead. Funny how things work out sometimes.

Well, this is the second weekend and I will be there Sunday.  I am looking forward to it.  There is something about being there that makes the spirit of the season more real for me, if you know what I mean.  I really can't imagine not being at Dickens.  It's the smell of the roasted nuts and the perfumes.  It's the Christmas carols sung by the carolers heard while walking.  It's the songs from Mad Sal's and seeing the Can Can dancers.  It's the sea shanty songs.  It's the looks on the faces of the patrons, you can see that they feel the spirit of the season too.  It's as if  the Spirit of Christmas Present was there himself spreading the cheer of the season for all that are present to partake in it. If you haven't had a chance to visit the Great Christmas Dickens Fair then now would be the time to try to make it!  There is something for everyone, large and small.  So perhaps I will see you at fair~
http://www.dickensfair.com/

Chapter 1~The Anxiety blog

Since I haven’t really blogged in some time, there is a lot to blog about so I will break up the different things that I will be blogging about in different blogs.  Seems like it would be easier to read and skip over the stuff if necessary.  Not everyone wants to read about how the cats are doing or how my allergies are ;-).

I mentioned a while ago that I was having anxiety and started taking St John’s Wort (SJW).  Now when I say "anxiety" I'm not referring to simply being anxious on occasion but to having a physical reaction to the stressors of my life.  Here is a link to better explain the symptoms http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/anxiety-attack-symptoms .  Why am I blogging about this, you may ask?  Maybe this blog might help someone that might be experiencing something similar to myself.  I will be providing helpful links that have been useful for me since it has been well over ten years since my last attack.  At that time of my last episodes of anxiety attacks, I had friends and family around that were there to help me even if they weren't aware that they were because I simply didn't talk about it that much.  However, things have changed and I find myself separated from friends and family so instead of having the source of comfort from friends I have to work through it alone.  For those that find themselves separate from friends or family, they need to find that comfort in themselves and understand that they can work through these anxiety attacks, it's just a matter of realizing what is happening and taking control of the situation which means "riding the attack out".

When I was having the anxiety attacks before, it was completely random when I would have them.  I'm not sure what was setting them off.  It would be when I was at home, at the store and at work (although work was where it all started so that makes sense).  When I would have the attacks then, I would call my boyfriend and he would talk me down or come over and comfort me until it would subside.  If I was with a friend, we would talk until it dissipated.  Eventually the anxiety attacks became weaker and I was able to "ride them out" and then eventually they simply stopped happening.

Last year, I believe I had my first anxiety attack in years.  It decided to manifest itself while I was on the freeway in the fast lane.  It had been so long since I had had one that I didn't recognize the symptoms and totally freaked out.  Almost passing out on the freeway would make anyone want to freak out.  I had several intermittent attacks as the year progressed.  During this time my financial obligations has increased well past my means and have remained currently.  My life financially and personally is my stressor and for what ever reason every time I drive, I have an anxiety attack.  Now, not everyone will have the same stressor or the same exact symptoms as myself but what ever way you look at it-it sucks.  Sitting in traffic trying having an anxiety attack, oh yeah....super fun.  Good times.

Now, I had taken SJW before for depression and I did some looking around and found that it can work with anxiety symptoms as well.  I have been taking STW for several months now and although the STW is helping with the depression that I had been experiencing it hasn't really removed my anxiety attacks completely but it makes them more manageable. This is fine, but when sitting in traffic it would be easier to find a way to alleviate the anxiety attacks when they start and get the symptoms under control.  I did some searching on the interwebs and found there are other techniques that can help alleviate the symptoms of an anxiety attacks that can temporarily help when really needed.

I did research to find different techniques that might help with the hyperventilating.  I ended up find a very helpful website with a video demonstrating the “belly breathing technique” that helps counteract the shallow breathing that tends to happen with anxiety attacks  http://www.anxietycoach.com/breathingexercise.html .  The website speaks about Panic Disorders but this certainly helps with anxiety as well. 

I know that the website is some guy trying to sell something, but let me tell you-it helped.  Most of my anxiety attacks are breathing related.  The website describes it perfectly.  I don't exhale and I don't even realize I'm doing it.  It sucks.  Something else that also helps with anxiety attacks that might be useful for others is "pressure points".

I found several useful references for which sites would work best for alleviating anxiety and making it easier to breath and feel at ease.  The first one was  http://www.chinese-holistic-health-exercises.com/reflexology-for-anxiety.html .  Since most of my anxiety attacks come on when I'm in my car, I will only be using the upper extremities.  Yeah, no pressure points on my feet while driving, please!  The second helpful site was  http://www.stop-anxiety-panic-attack.com/blog/acupressure-for-anxiety.  Personally, I find the wrist, ears and neck to be helpful with the anxiety symptoms when driving.  The neck (Heavenly Pillar) is the most effective with the breathing while driving although it looks like you are talking on the phone while driving so keep an eye out for CHP that might pull you over for it ;-).

Besides SJW there are other herbal remedies that can be useful to help alleviate anxiety symptoms which I have listed in the links below.  I also have seasonal allergies and there is drug interactions with the SJW and Claritin, which I take.  The SJW reduces the efficacy of the Claritin and other antihistamine so be prepared to have elevated symptoms if you start taking it.  And since I have problems with breathing during an anxiety attack, this doesn't help~but I manage.  Well, that is all I have to add for now on this topic.  I hope that eventually my symptoms with dissipate and I will feel "normal" again because having these attacks suck and really are disruptive at times even with the SJW and alternate helpful cures.  It has taken the joy out of driving and I actually like driving.  Well, actually my current situation has kind of taken the joy out of everything, but I hope I can pull through it pay everything off, shake off this anxiety, be able to afford to do stuff again and get my life back.  I would like to feel like I am alive and not some slave stuck in a loop of work.  To feel whole again.  I know that when one problem is solved the others that are attached will begin to dissipate-at least I hope so since everything seems to be connected!  Yeah, I'm not looking for any sympathy and I'm not big on throwing pity parties. My goal it to get through this and I aim to succeed :-).




Keep in mind if you have a medical condition you should consult your physician to confirm the diagnosis and make sure that you are getting the correct treatment for the condition.  This should be the general rule for any health condition one may have.

More links for acupressure:

http://www.stop-anxiety-panic-attack.com/blog/acupressure-for-anxiety  

http://www.holisticonline.com/remedies/Anxiety/anx_acupressure.htm

http://www.herbalshop.com/Acupressure/Acupressure_20.html

General remedies:
http://www.livestrong.com/article/22066-home-remedies-anxiety-attacks/
http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/conditionsatod/a/Anxiety.htm
http://tlc.howstuffworks.com/family/home-remedies-for-anxiety.htm
http://www.nutritional-supplement-truths.com/natural-herbs-for-anxiety.html (this one is trying to sell you something but it has some useful info on it.)
http://helpguide.org/mental/anxiety_medication_drugs_treatment.htm
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/mental-health-medications/what-medications-are-used-to-treat-anxiety-disorders.shtml
http://www.drugs.com/condition/anxiety.html

Links on anxiety and other disorders:
http://www.integrativepsychiatry.net/anxiety_disorders.html
http://www.aafp.org/afp/2007/0815/p549.html
http://www.anxietycoach.com/