Dream blog

This last week has been filled with unusual dreams.  Some are my usual "fighting invading space aliens adventure" dreams but there have been a few that are a bit different.  Last Monday, I had a dream that started out normal and then switched to me separating from the people I was with.  I wandered into a meadow and paused.  The sky was beautiful filled with violets and golds, the sun had just past the horizon and the stars were starting to pop out.  The meadow was surrounded by pine and I heard crickets starting to call to one another.  I stood there for a moment to take it all in and then I looked up into the sky and felt a wave of sadness and loneliness and asked out loud, "Where are you?"  In my dream I was asking where my "significant other" was.  Who ever that would be.  I would guess that it would be the man that I have seen in my dreams over the years.  It was a really melancholy moment and then something drew me out of the dream and I started waking up.  Normally I sleep with a long knitted cap pulled over my eyes to keep my head warm and the light out of my eyes but the cap had ridden up a bit and I could see the side of my bed.  I saw a dark but transparent figure leaning against the window with his arms folded across his chest looking down at me.  As I started to realize what I was seeing and stirring a bit more, he sort of "dissipated".  He looked like a smoke statue being blown away from the head down and the smoke was blown out of my bedroom door.  I laid there for a minute to process what I just saw and then I got up to make myself some coffee, obviously I needed it.  That dream, like a few others, has stuck with me.

My dream this morning was a bit different.  It started of with the regular random strangers wandering around in some shopping plaza then I noticed that there were orange fishes that were hopping out of a pool and they were started to spawn and create fry.  My first thought was that I had better get to work.  I head straight to a pet store and I notice that the huge orange fish are doing the same thing there too.  I walk to the back and I see my son sitting waiting for me by the bird cages which is near the fish tanks.  He says "Hi mom" I say hello back and apologize for keeping him waiting while I started working on the fish tanks to prepare to clean up the eggs and fry the fish were creating.  I see a bunch of noisy annoying shoppers teasing the birds and it starts to irritate me, my son notices too but I keep to what I was doing.  I start talking to him about the different types of birds and their habitats and ask if he would like me to lift him so he can see them better.  He gets embarrassed and indignant for a 9 year old and states he can do it himself.  So I pull a stool for him so he can get a better look while I work.  Then my boss in the dream comes out and then I start waking up.

Keep in mind, I don't have children and I am not able to have children because something goes wrong and I miscarry.  So I suppose that this would be the child I should have had but never did in my dream and my job would be the job I should have had but didn't.  Ah but life isn't like that, is it?  I do remember what my son looks like though.  Cute little guy with very similar features as mine but with a bit darker coloring.  His eyes were a bit more hazel than mine and his nose is a little different, I suppose these features are more like the father (who ever that would be in my dream).  His hair is a dark golden  blonde and he's wearing a stripped long sleeve shirt with multi-colors and a dark vest.  He has blue jeans and hiking boots to round off the outfit pairing it with a toy train or truck, I couldn't tell but the toy was blue with yellow wheels.  I could tell he would grow up to be handsome and have a much larger frame than my own (thank goodness).  I knew he would favor his father in that respect.  These are the things I knew in my dream and I am glad that I can remember them still but I wanted to get it down before it starts to fade.  The dream comforted me strangely, I guess it's nice to know that maybe in an alternate universe or dream world I can have those things that I had always wanted in the first place. It's becoming to late to have any family of my own, age wise and for other reasons already mentioned, it simply was not meant to be for me.  It's nice to know that some version of me was able to and I am here in this reality so I had better make the best of it the best that I can.  Who knows what tomorrows dreams will bring for me?

Facial Experiment continues~

I think another good name for this little blog would be "The Win some Lose some blog".  I skipped last week posting partially because I didn't feel like it and because I wanted to see any real difference.  I have noticed some improvements, although subtle in some ways and more obvious in others.  I have noticed also that there are some drawbacks that are becoming more apparent.
I have been basically consistent with the skin care, using the Clarisonic every night.  I love that thing, it really has done wonders with my skin.  The pores have gotten noticeably smaller.  They aren't invisible, but the appearance is improved.  I have done the facial exercises every morning and evening and I think it shows.  I have started alternating use of the Lite-stim to every other night.  I think it has helped as well, but I don't think it has been a big contributor in my attempt to improve appearance.

This picture is from last Saturday 7/28th when compared to the very first one taken in June.  The pictures, at least seem to match in positions.  Not as good as I would like but it could be so much worse.  There are some improvements that have been achieved over these last few weeks.  The skin looks healthier, the face itself looks more firm and is and the eyes look better.  My neck is also a little bigger from the exercises that I have been doing.  So that's the good stuff.

 The bad stuff is that since I have been working on trying to drop a few pounds in the hope of improving the "jowly" area on my jawline, I have actually seemed to have made it more noticeable to a certain degree.  Sure, I managed to bring the jowls down on my face but it is drawing attention to that loose skin that attaches my lower jaw and neck.  I have always had extra skin there and it has always bugged me.  Getting older....it is really bugging me.  I don't think the car accident I was in years ago helped it either because after the accident the skin hanging was more pronounced on one side vs the other.  It's my fault that I didn't go to the doctor right away to get it corrected.  I have no one to blame but myself for that so I just have to deal with it now.  I am thinking that

maybe the exercises might help a little bit more but I am still thinking that a neck lift is the only real solution to get rid of it.
The picture featured right here was taken today (Saturday 8/5).  The "pose" doesn't match but I think the idea is there.  The face doesn't seem so...blah and saggy as the original one.  The skin seems better except the neck.  Besides the less than occasional blemish, I have to say for the most part I am pleased with what I have done (except for the gross neck skin).  With the few pounds I have lost and facial exercises, the skin on the neck just isn't bouncing back like one would hope.  Everything else is going to plan, however.  Goodness knows I have stood in the mirror and did the "face lift" test.  All I have to do is put one index finger on each side of my lower jaw and "Poof!" the saggy neck skin AND the remaining jowls disappear!  So with that being said, I will try a bit longer to see if any improvement can be had in my real problem area and I will hope for the best but I know what the alternative will be if I can't make any headway.
I admit it, I will get cosmetic surgery.  I will get the neck lift if I can't fix it myself.  It's something that as I have mentioned before, always bothered me so there is no shame in admitting it.  At least there isn't to me.  Maybe this stupid blog project I'm doing will actually encourage someone to try some of the stuff I have been doing if they have "problem" areas in spots where I had improvement because they don't want to have to have surgery.  I would say, "Great!"  Good for them for trying!  But before we all get excited about this all, I still have one more month to go before I determine what is really going to succeed.  Who knows, maybe the facial exercises will finally get the loose skin to start tightening up and I can hold off on the inevitable surgery a bit longer!