Goodbye

Yesterday started like most weekends with loose plans on what I wanted to do (and how they end up being).  Ended up helping a friend's mom who also happens to be my neighbor pack and move.  We were pretty busy and then we broke for lunch and I offered for everyone to eat at my place since there was more room and relatively clean....didn't get a chance to do chores yet at that time.

As we sat in my front room and dined on delicious deli sandwiches and talked, Paco and Squeak are chiming in and playing in their cages.  To appearances, Paco was perfectly fine.  He begged for what I was eating, he tried talking and chiming in when someone was speaking, and he interacted and was playing.  Everything seemed absolutely fine.  I had been watching him since he got some type of respiratory infection a few weeks back but I treated him for a week with Marvel-Aid and it cleared right up so I have been uber observant of Paco's behavior and droppings.  Yesterday, everything seemed normal in the morning and early afternoon.

In the late afternoon, I couldn't really help anymore because I had a few things I needed to attend to and I wasn't much use for what my friends were packing up in their mom's apartment.  I went home and started to tidy up the house and get ready to head to the store for animal foods.  As I sat in the front room to eat a bite before I headed out, I noticed it was quiet in Paco's cage.  I looked over to where there would normally be a begging bird to Paco sitting like he wasn't feeling well.  My first thought was "Oh no, not again".  But I watched him after I swapped out his water for medicine and I noticed his breathing was not the issue.  I could tell he was in pain and he got really unstable, his pupils became huge and he almost fell off his perch.  This scared him pretty bad so he ran to his "sleeping" perch and a second later he double times it to his bottom perch by me and starts violently throwing up.  In all the years I have been around birds, I have never seen this...ever.  It was pretty bad.  I didn't think birds could do that but I had a bad feeling that this was a precursor for something else.

It all happened relatively quickly.  I watched him struggle to stay focused.  I sat close to his cage and he would focus on me then he would focus on Squeak then he would try to stay balanced on his cage.  I battled with myself trying to decide if I should take him out of the cage and remove the perches or if there would be enough time and let him be comfortable until it was "time".

I didn't  leave his side and neither did Squeak.  I spoke to him and sang his favorite silly song that he would dance and get silly to.  Squeak couldn't decide whether he was afraid or not but he was trying very hard for Paco to talk to him and interact while Paco slipped lower and lower on the perch until he started dipping far forward.  I put an extra perch in front of him to help him stay where he was but a few minutes later he loss use of feet, so I took a soft towel and held him in my lap in front of Squeak's cage.

I could tell Paco was starting to get scared and with all my heart I wish I could have made it better for him, to comfort him and make him know it was going to be alright and over with soon.  Sadly I couldn't.  All I could do is watch my friend of 32 years slowly fading away with fear in his eyes.  Toward the end, I sang to him to help somehow.  As I sang the final verse to him he passed away in my arms and there he stayed for a while.  After I collected myself and let Squeak see that Paco was still and had gone, I spoke a prayer for him and his safety and then I wrapped him up and am holding on to his remains until I cremate him.

I have already moved Squeak to where Paco used to be.  Squeak likes the spot because he can see everything but I can tell he is still a bit unclear on what might have happened to his friend.  I soaked the cage and all the toys in boiling bleach water for sanitation and now that most of the stuff is dry I have put a few of Paco's favorite toys in Squeak's cage.  Squeak recognized them right away and I suppose either Squeak will start playing with them and maybe remembering his friend OR Paco's little spirit with hang out in Squeak's cage to play with his toys.  Either way it will be a good thing.

Next to seeing my little green friend passing, putting his cage away in the storage closet was pretty bad too.  I can't stand the idea of his little soul being confused and trying to figure out why he is in the closet with no  toys in the dark.  That really bothers me.  It's has bothered me about that with all my birds that have moved on when I have had to pack their cages away.

I understand that Paco has had a very long life and he is/was a lucky bird that he has always had me there for the most part to try to make his life as best I can.  Not all pets are that lucky and I understand that too.  It's hard and I have been expecting this more and more as the years have crept past the twenty mark since I wasn't sure how long I would have to spend with my friend, but I am thankful for all the time that was given, especially the few extra weeks after his illness last month.

I have given Paco a good life filled with as much love and happiness that I could provide.  His time has come and now I will available to help another bird that is in need of rescue and my help Perhaps not now however, it's still too fresh, but eventually when the time comes.  As a matter of fact, I believe this.  Animals in need always seem to find their way to me and I try to be there to give them the help and attention they require.  Of course the new rescue that eventually will find it's way to my home won't be the same as my Paco, but no animal is the same as the other (just like people) so I have no expectations.

So a chapter of my life and Paco's has closed.  We have been a part of each other's life for so many years but now it is time to part ways and I don't know if I will ever come across my little green friend again.  My heart is broken but I know it is how it's supposed to be and eventually I will go down that same road.  I don't think I will say "Good Bye" but "Farewell" until we hopefully meet again, my friend.  I will miss and love you and there will always be a place for you in my heart. You are my little green buzzard <3.

Here are some pictures of pets, some still here and some that are now gone to the rainbow bridge.