It has been a while since I posted a blog.  Over a year, as a matter of fact.  Much hasn't changed, but then again, much has.

I'm older for starters.  I'm starting to see what the hell all of my older friends and acquaintances spoke about before, years ago.  I thought they were just being old prunes or full of it.  Well...color me surprised...they weren't joking.  It's strange how one's attitude toward different things change with age.  Stuff that was so important when I was younger...now couldn't muster up the poo to give a crap.
As an added bonus...I'm gaining the weight that comes with age.  If you are reading this and you are in your twenties or thirties: Start working out and watch what you eat now!!  It's not easy to loose a couple pounds like it was and it shows.

Yeah...enough about that.

Since I last posted I adopted/rescued a sickly kitten.  Well, he's not sick anymore and he's a year old now but you get the picture.  Squeaky has become more friendly with me since Paco passed away.  Benjamin has become a bit "rounder" but I think it's not only because he loves his food.  He also strains to go poo sometimes and the color differs from pale to very dark.  Have to save up money to take him to the vet because the exam and lab tests will cost over $500.  I know this because I asked my vet.  Alice is just as fuzzy and sweet as always.  She's also started picking fur on different spots much like Gordo used to do.  It's a nervous thing, I believe.  I got herbal flea stuff, just in case.  It doesn't have any chemicals and it's safe around pets and children.  Imagine that?  A flea treatment that's actually safe to put on your pet.  That's sarcasm right there, in case you missed it.  Anyway...I spray the house regularly with lavender and tea tree oil mixed with water, which seems to work well enough by its self and smells good to boot.

What else...
Well, I managed to go another year without working Casa.  Hell, I even missed working Dickens this last year.  I miss it but at the same time, I really liked having the Sunday open to, oh..I don't know..sleep, clean and do chores or what ever I wanted.  I mean, come on!  I only have one freaking day off most of the time...It's getting kind of old and I just don't feel like stressing myself more than I need to anymore. Besides since I have been getting my anxiety/panic attacks I really have had to cut back on stuff that I know sets them off.  Back to that topic in a minute.

I do miss fair, I miss everything about it.  I just don't know what I could do there now.  I'm not much of a "gigger" although I do like talking to people and asking about their travels and what not.  I'm certainly not an entertainer.  I don't know where my place is anymore.  I feel kind of pointless.  Heh, I guess that sums me up pretty well-pointless!  Maybe something will show it's way whether it's me simply being a patron, or maybe a garden member or if there is a guild for old wash-ups and has-beens...then I'm there.  But, I have some faith in it all and I will figure something out because I always do.

Back on to anxiety/panic attacks.  Well...they aren't as bad as they were a while ago but they do wax and wane. I've previously blogged about it before so I won't go into again but I guess I'm just wired for this type of thing and it takes a while for the anxiety to go away but as I have now learned, even if there aren't any "symptoms" it doesn't mean that it has gone away.  It just hasn't been triggered by something.  I know this now and I'm more self aware about it.  I'm thinking that's a good thing all the way around.

Let's see...what else...
Oh yeah...have another new coworker.  Let's see, how many has it been?  That would be six.  Six people in the position next to me.  That's five of those people I trained.  I like the most recent one who happens to be an old employee of docs.  Had to train her to get her up to date though.  She is an older lady and no idiot but had no computer knowledge.  None.  Zero.  I had to teach her the basics of the computer AND how to use the programs.  I had to show her how to use and send email.  Send an email.......let that one sink in for a moment. I was with her when she made her first Amazon purchase.  It was like a milestone and she was pretty excited about it.  Now she's up to speed and everything seems okay.  For the most part anyway.

Other than all the above, it's just the same crap-different day.  Some times life zooms past while I stand still and other times I'm the one rushing while everything else seems frozen still.  I guess that's normal and everyone experiences this. I think some more than others, judging by some people's behavior.  Some of my friends seem more caught up with their lives.  Some struggling and floundering.  Some rising above it and succeeding with their happiness.  And most of us are some where in the middle.  I know we all strive for the better.  I hope we find it.